Back in the exercise saddle

My knee is doing tons better (thanks for asking!). I'm still walking with a slight limp, but the swelling gone and there's no pain. My knee felt so much better that I worked out this morning with one of my buddies. I did a half hour of spin. It's been two weeks so the girl parts were numb, but it was good to be back. Tomorrow will be the real test. I'm going to do a body pump class which tends to be a bit squat/lunge heavy.

As for eating...well Friday could have been better--I'll talk more about that in a bit. But, the rest of the week went pretty well. I was too lazy to log it, but I've promised myself to do better with that. After all, you know what they say about people who keep food journal.

Friday was a tough day for me. I shouldn't say tough really. I just used the day as an excuse to forget all my reasons for wanting to take care of me. My niece had oral surgery and I drove her there, picked her up and let her and her daughter spend the night. Now, the surgery didn't happen to me, I wasn't in any pain so why did I "need" to eat all that ice cream in solidarity???

I was thinking a lot about emotions the last few days. I am,of course, an emotional eater. I'd rather eat an emotion away any day than feel and act on it. What am I afraid of? Will the world come to an end if I say what I feel for a change? Will those around me suddenly stop caring about me if I speak up instead of mumbling, "I'm ok, just a bit tired. Nothing to worry about." ?

Part of me is very afraid that that is exactly what would happen...not the world ending bit, but losing friends. But, another part of knows that that would never happen. I know a couple of people that act on their emotions to the opposite extreme--laying waste to everything around them because that's how they feel. They are still surrounded by loved ones. That's how it should be, not the unbridled display exactly, but the fearlessness that all will be ok afterward.

Personally, I want to strive for a medium. I need to learn to express myself and not eat the feelings away. Especially since they never go away anyway, they just lurk and cause all kinds of other problems. I don't want to become the other extreme either, that's not the person I want to be.