"A tale told by an idiot.....

full of sound an fury signifying nothing."

Thank you , Mr. Shakespeare, for summing up my approach to dieting. I start out all full of bluster: "Hey look at me! I'm going to do this thing, I'm gonna lose x number of pounds! I've got this, I don't need no stinking plan. Plans are for the weak! I'll just buy good food and eat. I'll exercise whenever, I don't need a schedule."

I hate when cliches are right. Hell, I hate being a cliche. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. That's how I feel right now, like a failure. AGAIN.

Setting myself up for failure is kind of thing with me. School, jobs, relationships...I've run the gamut. I want to change this, I really do, I think.

I have a fear of success, no matter how badly I believe I want something. Some part of me works to sabotage it.

So, what do I do to fix it? All I can think of is another cliche: Fake it 'til you make it.

I'm not "better," I haven't changed. But, I can pretend I have until that becomes my reality. After all, I am the girl that not only did not gain weight my freshman year in college, I lost about 30 pounds. I did it by convincing myself that it was possible--even with the drinking and pizza and positively horrible dorm food.

I can do that again. I know I can. First baby steps? Today, I make a meal plan for 1 week, just one and do the shopping for it. I'm also going to clean out my fridge and cabinets...no more not on plan food in the house. If my oldest or my husband wants it, they have to get it and eat it somewhere else.

I think I can manage a meal plan every Sunday for the week. There are enough out there. That will be my focus for March. That's it, that's all.